First thing she said after sex was.. are you baptised by chance?
i just woke up to that girl in my doorway. I kid you not. Tan and lime green thong on. peeing on the carpet in the hallway. Then she collapsed. There is a load of towels in the wash. Just thought you should know when you wake up. Gross.
So he asked me last night if I would cheer him on while he masturbated...
My farts smell like St. Pauli Girl. Last night was too much for a Monday.
Just found 2 diff. colored pubes in my underwear..new record.
She said "Lay the fuck down and ill show you how its done. Ill get us both off." I did. And she did. Best words ever said before sex.
No, he grudge fucked my ex so I wouldn't be tempted to get back with her. He is either the worst or best friend ever.
We need a plan...
Find random men. Use them as sexual objects. There's our plan.
No one will ever love me with the amount of puke on my hand
Dude, they are shaking the RV, yell at them. It feels like i'm being rocked to sleep, I don't like it, I'm not a baby.
Dude I live in a fucking closet and still get laid every weekend. Figure it out.
Well I found you sipping ron diaz out of a child's dinosaur cup while sticking your fingers in the guy's fish tank and watching the "pirahnas" snap at your finger and laughing
Walk back down Church toward Mass Ave. Take a right and head for the guy in a kilt on top of the really tall unicycle. C u soon!
I "liked" his changed relationship status just to show him I'm ok with the fact he found someone not as pretty as me
I made an executive decision to rename my Resume file to something other than MONEYMONEYMONEY.
Randomize
