hey no worries the mystery has been solved- i jst sneezed and my undies popped outta my nose.
Just shot my load on a stink bug. Thought you should know.
I just had a cup of orange juice and thought it didnt taste right. It didnt have vodka in it.
Woke up this morning with a note saying "great sex, see you never". Why can't I meet more women like her?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You know why nobody comes up with Sober October? Other than it's Oktoberfest? Because Sober October doesn't benefit anyone, just like your judgment isn't benefiting me. I'll talk to you in November. Unless you make up another alcoholless month.
I threw up this morning to Silent Night playing in background. It was actually quite soothing.
But seriously I might need help getting spray paint off of my body.... But don't worry about the penis I scrubbed him already
It was just a matte of pubes and mustard.
I had a sex with someone last night and I was so drunk. i told him to tell me his whole name so I can say it back to him in a "sexy" way.... Because I forgot it
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'd like to have a moment of silence for all the dicks she's broken off
I was playing 'If You Had To Fuck One or Die' with the old composite pictures with a guy in the bathroom line. They were all pretty ugly so I go "You can tell this is a lower tier frat"......turns out the guy was a brother
fucked him on the porch to avoid the chanting that always happens when we leave the bedroom. backfired when a group of freshman walked by and started screaming like fucking babies.
It's Friday you fucking nerd of course I'm drunk.
Ugh. My life is a never ending cycle of bad decisions and taquitos.
He has me blocked on facebook.... so I stalked him using my cats fan page.
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