I hope you get the herp and dife. The emd.
You should just wear a sign that says "I like cheap Chinese food and anal"
I like taco bell too
Having sex with her was like reading the Wall Street Journal.
You came on your own forehead. Just wanted to remind you that.
Cognac is not meant to be taken in shots. I just wanted you to know the desperation of last night.
I recommend just blowing him. It's always the way to go.
He woke me up at 3 am kneeling on the floor pissing and yelling, then he passed out and stole my comforter. I want a new roommate...
Hey, this is a mass text. I have a hospital bill from November, and I don't know from what. Did anyone bring me to the hospital on a drunken night that I don't remember...?
I'm thinking he has to buy me dinner at least twice before i even start considering casting him for "Fuck buddy - understudy."
I do NOT want to date a man who has no interest in going to a kangaroo farm
We were all day drunk by 2pm. Now I know why they hate Americans
They wouldn't let me on the bull because I couldn't even sign my own name... She let me try 3 times...
he couldn't get a boner so he asked me to sing you shook me all night long to his penis. I think it was weirder that it actually worked
Well you know I have tits so that's half the battle
Became friends with a girl at work today until I realized we have the same taste in men. And I thought only I liked red-bearded fat men
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