I think scott just propositioned me for sex
Note to self: When getting ready to leave with a kid in a wheelchair don't say Let's roll
He's telling me stories about how he made out with a 14 yr old when he was 22. I'm going home.
Whenever he makes me dinner its always mini things.. cheeseburgers, corndogs.. is he preparing me for something?
Sandra Bullock looks like the most recent Michael Jackson
If I had a penis I would totaly hang shit off it. Like stretched out peach rings and fruit rollups.
Dude, 1 prime defect in the snuggie- you can't fuck someone discreetly under a snuggie. No way no how
i know im back at school when i can poke any random spot on my body and expect a 80% chance that theres a bruise there
I asked him why the bed was wet and got.."well there are two options... and its not you."
SHE BROUGHT HER PARROT TO THE PARTY. IT SQUAWKS EVERY TIME SOMEONE VOMITS LIKE 'PARTY FOUL SQUAWKKKKKK'
HELP! I GOT DRUNK IN THE LIVING ROOM AND CANT GET UP UPSTAIRS
Lost my anal v card with Peter Thiel's RNC speech on in the background. Unbelievably appropriate
Im covered in coffee vomit and urine and none of which are mine
So I paid Bumble $10 to see who liked my profile for a month. Cheap, easy dick. It's all about the economics, yo.
Dude I turned down free booze. I think I'm growing as a person.
Randomize
