Just gave a urinal high five to a complete stranger. Might not be such a bad night after all
Hne relally is a cite oerfect gome. Nes awddddddddooooome.
... Already stepped in vomit and got a dirty look from a fat in a neck brace
By the way seagulls wings are very soft. And the lesbian and or by sexual twins say hello. Be home in the little bit time frame.
I just gave a bum a ride back to his bench. Columbus is weird but I like it.
we gave you a glass of water and you just started yelling: TWO STRAWS, PATS AN ENGINEER HE'LL FIGURE IT OUT
Well yeah connect the two together, then you can lay down and drink.
The girl in the stall next to me is puking her brains out, I'd say she had just a good a weekend as us
I gave her some alkaseltzer ad she looked at me lke I was god
my goal for the rest of college is to escape STD free. fuck getting a job. this is more important.
in retrospect i think my mom tried to raise me gay
Like tbh you're not doing anything that screams I'm drunk and yet nothing says I'm going to spend $30 on McDonalds and make out with a stranger like that picture
look, bitch. one day when everyone i care about deserts me for my severe moral depravity, you're going to be the only one i have.
i can't wait.
Hey. I hope you have enough room in your car for me and a Honda civic front bumper.
And here I am, playing fetch with my cat at two in the morning.
seriously i don't trust him. he fed me a hot dog out of a crock pot and gave me moonshine dashed jager bombs.
Drunk me is having trouble keeping up with sober me's standards
Randomize
