she tasted like a mixture of sweat and destiny
I found a map from his room to his bathroom this morning in my purse. Apparently I was too fucked up to get there without one.
90% sure you snuck in there somewhere, all I really remember is big boobs in my face so I'm assuming it was you.
His IQ level must rival that of a comatosed aardvark.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i asked the cop if we could stop and do a chinese firedrill.... he said no.
I am going to dream of scrotums tonight, I just know it.
I woke up spooning with a broom that someone taped a mustache too..i need to stop starting my nights by drinking "hangover" wine.
They were scared I was going to get lost last night so they dressed me up as Waldo so someone would always find me.
Hello, the Less Drunk that has my sister's phone. I am the Moderately Drunk. I am questioning your Friday activities. Why are you not the More Drunk?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You are not going to get a pat on the back from me for not fucking that 40 year old again.
He's talking about me being Slave Princess Leia and how he'll chain me up. I don't have the heart to point out that he would be Jabba in that scenario...Is it bad that his lack of SW knowledge is destroying my lady boner?
I accidentally sent my dad a very explicit Star Wars fanfiction and he replied with "That was great!"
i was in class looking for a pencil and found a chicken strip in my back pack. i think i might have a problem.. sad thing is i ate it
why yes, bad decisions will be made starting at 3PM Thurs through 8PM on Sun. You have been warned. Plan accordingly.
It’s awful. They need to open the bars. I’m now trolling grocery stores looking for dick
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