You and i never got to the, we dont care what we look like friend-stage. you know? like not brushing your teeth stage.
sorry im really high
That bar we were at last night smelled like cougars. Virginia Slims, Aqua Net and Summer's Eve.
I saw his package. It spoke to me.
Are you going to tell your therapist we boned?
Just saw a girl trying to crack an egg with her butt cheeks. I think I know what we're doing thursday night.
I don't care how hungover you are were not listening to enya
I fucked him in a hamburger. literally. he has a hamburger bed.
Hes still mad that I left the room mid-hookup to go get a pickle from the fridge.
I keep having to have that awkward "I don't want to have sex with you" convo. I thought wearing sweatpants was suppose to prevent this situation..
He was all like, "I think ur the one that got away and I miss you." I replied, "I gave u a hand job once in your hot tub. No need to wax nostalgic about it."
He raised his arm and dropped it in his sleep to smack himself awake. He knows his phone has an alarm clock right?
Am I really that girl who walks around half naked wearing a cowboy hat begging for liquor at some random guys house
Did you drink ALL that 151??
No. We drank all the jaeger... Then used the 151 to start the fire. We're also out of paper towels... And your hairspray is flammable.
Terrible idea I love it
I used your vibrator when you were out of town. Now I know why you always come out of your room smiling.
Randomize
