I have an asthmatic alcoholic for a roommate. That can't be safe.
Dude, we took our shirts off and set our chest hair on fire. That's a low point.
You raise a valid concern
can you look at this picture and tell me if you think this my kid?
New rule during sex: if it causes you to take your rings off, don't do it.
Listen, everyone has a price and mine is free taco bell.
Sounds good. Stay safe. I'm kind of drunk in a Food 4 Less right now and I'm having the time of my life.
You wanted to thank my penis. You wanted me to take the condom off so you could touch it and thank it.
We just broke into a lion king sing along. Understanding is not possible.
HOLD ONTO YOUR PANTIES AND SAY GOODBYE TO THE REMAINDER OF YOUR INTEGRITY
Just got home. Taking a quick shower. I smell like sex and chorizo. Dont ask.
When we pulled over so you could pee, you made us stand over you and "make a roof"
My purpose is to unleash drunk self on strangers, i believe as some terrifying icebreaker, otherwise i too would offer my driving services.
Opened my notebook to coke all over the pages. So, if that's any indication on how this weekend went.
I found a used condom and a hairbrush in my dryer this morning.
Hiring someone to do your laundry would be a good investment.
If history is any guide, his morals are no match for my tits
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