I think most guys look at porn as a fallback career. I mean I know I do.
Her divorce is going to cut into the amount of time we spend fucking.
I'm in awe of how selfish that is.
My dream of liquor pitchers came true
He was trying to hotbox the banana suit. Of course we traded him for vodka.
I got us chalkboard mugs. Now whoever comes home with us can feel comfortable in the morning! I am too considerate to my one-night stands...
i think dick pics are a sign of a sexual renaissance
He asked us to wake him up with a strobe light. We had it going in front of his face full power for half and hour and he didn't even blink.
How can I politely yet provocatively ask you for a cock shot?
I drank toilet water last night, I can't answer you because my phone is in rice.
so i might have figured out why that girl isn't talking to me...I'm 90% confident I didn't give her a pillow when she stayed over >.>
Dude my body has gone into shock from not eating frozen pizza and chips. I've been shitting like Richard Simmons after a night out of twerking in a corn field
Spent the majority of my senior year drunk. Graduate of 2011, I think 2011. Probably.
You don't know weird until you've had a musical wet dream about your older brother.
You "drove" the computer chair around the party for a good fifteen minutes. you would crash into things, freak out, and yell for an ambulance.
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
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