if your phone is working sorry i called you at 2am. if it is not then i never called your phone at 2am
Just donated money to a kid for her softball team.
Obviously I'm trying to futher our next generation of lesbians. I may be hitting on her at the gay bar in ten years...
she asked me if i can do her a favor, came over, and gave me head then left. i still dont understand how that was a favor for her.
Don't blame me for eating all the ham.. I gave it out to people, so at most I'm guilty of ham distribution
I've never felt so inclined to grow a dick. THIS is what the gays in this town have done to me
Sneezing blood is a good thing right? Medically speaking.
P.S. It's common courtesy to let the girl your banging know if she's about to walk into the same place your girlfriend is at so she can get her poker face ready
This storm betta not fuck with taco tuesday
I don't know what that means. But if you take off your pants, you'll probably get arrested.
I spent ten minutes questioning her on what kind of cup she wanted... Then I asked what kind of water she wanted..
WOAH TOO HIGH
New York City is dangerous when the only bars you go to are the ones that have 'open' in front
Remember that time I hopped home naked from the bar, then tried to convince you I was ok to drive you home? Good call on the taxi.
I'm pretty sure I just came a kidney stone..
I dipped out before he woke up, but I made sure to take the pizza with me.
Is it weird that I shop for lingerie by thinking if it will look good on both me and your floor?
No. Not at all.
Randomize
