no more stoned jack in the box. this is the third night in a row.
jacking off on stolen wireless... gotta enjoy the small things in life
Three of the best words ever! Cocaine. Research. Study.
I need you to stand in the corner and ref this threesome. Wear stripes.
EARTHQUAKE STATUS DRINKING GAME
The guy at the Apple store said the warranty does NOT cover getting cum out of the keyboard. I can't believe I believed you.
Ugh contemplating vodka and chocolate protein powder as this Capri sun and vodka isn't really cutting it
She started giving me head while we were watching the Walking Dead premiere, WORST BJ EVER.
My one night stand said I love you, opened my fridge, stole my cream cheese and left.
I think my sex life is about to turn into a war on two fronts
I'll screw just about anything, but I draw the line there
It isn't about the beer pong. It is about the destruction of the patriarchy.
He has no idea I'm scrolling through Instagram while he's going down on me. I'm so bored.
She meowed at me. Repeatedly. Then she asked what was wrong with me because I didn't understand her.
He’s older
Like “has a job and pays his bills” older or “still watches porn on DVD because he can’t figure out the Internet” older?
Randomize
