We're pretty sure the 'pocket' aspect of the hot pocket is unnecessary. Testing our theory now.
I can make a handprint turkey for extra credit in history. I feel like the word college should be in quotes on the school letterhead.
is it bad that upon arriving to my fourth sex toy party the sex toy lady instantly recognizes me?
I don't care how old I am, if it's your 21st birthday I'm going to make out with you.
I don't know what to tell you, usually I would just ask if they'd like to meet the captain. If you can't get laid it's your problem.
I am so juiced up on period drugs and coffee I feel like my skin is going to fall off.
Some drunk guy thought my knee scooter was the sexiest thing he's ever seen. He then proceeded to ask me about duck hunting and decoys...
Omg. The news was on TV while I was giving him a bj...when the weatherman said its a beautiful start to December, he groaned and said it sure is.
I got blood in my smoothie but it still tastes ok. Fuck glenfiddich.
Please hurry up and come back. This is so awkward. He's showing me banana videos.
There are days when you go to throw something in your bedroom trash can and realize the only things in there are a used condom, a Lime-arita can and a muffin wrapper.
She's licking the whiskey out of the carpet. I think we may be soulmates.
He grabbed my tits and sang "you are so beautiful" to them before faceplanting into my chest
I ended up snorting coke while wearing a Bavarian dress and I feel like I need to reevaluate my life
What happened to you last night?
SO. MANY. SHOTS.
Randomize
