Go study a dick amy that's outrageous
kevin brought a 6ft brunette runway model with him tonight. Now, im not sure what the fuck the color of the " i get it, its over, Im ugly" flag is.... but i'll wave it.
sticking your finger down your throat to make yourself throw up is bulimia, not morning sickness, so no, I don't think you're pregnant.
terrible decisions. terrible terrible terrible decisions.
who'd you have sex with.
it's like i need an invisible sign across my boobs that says "DOESN'T HAVE DADDY ISSUES" that only old men can see
I wiped my blood on their walls screaming "IT'S NOT MY SECURITY DEPOSIT!"
No. And Marissa said shitting in the handicap bathroom at work does not get you into the club. You have to shit yourself. She said.
Just peed in a urinal with another girl. It's that kind of night.
She told me my dick looked like a baby seal wrapped in a sleeping bag.
I don't care how stoned you are, I'm not driving to a different state for a burrito
Oh my god. I'm not ready to be an adult. I'm not ready.
I still think it's strange your mom saw me 93% naked with a Santa hat on and a raging boner. Tis the season right?
Why is everyone judging me for telling the cat a bedtime story?
I spent two entire hours explaining to a guy why I wouldn't make out with him. How was your night?
I mean, I want you to have freaky orgasmic fun to entertain me, but I don’t want you to risk HIV or car crashes
Randomize
