I hate cats. They're so curious, it's not their damn business.
They just gave us root beer floats. I guess I won't quit my job today.
FOR A FUCKING 40?! A FUCKING 40?! YOU GAVE THE CAT AWAY FOR BEER?!
I'm at a free clinic. Feel like I should cough or sneeze so it's not blatantly obvious I'm getting checked for STI's.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
oh and if she happens to say anything about a cantalope and tissues... just go with it
The smoke alarm went off as soon as we opened the closet.
sorry for the naked aussie man in your room last night, he got lost on his way to the bathroom
Slip and slide hallway was not one of my better ideas.
I have no idea. But I feel like I could climb a mountain and then have sex on it.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
struggle bus is officially taking me on a road trip to hell. If this is just the first destination, I'll jump out the fucking window.
Have a glass of wine with dinner they said. Your hydrocodone has worn off they said... NOPE
I have stickers all over my boobs and a lump the size of china on my forehead. today has not been good.
You were passed out by the toliet and when i said i had to pee you told me to piss in the sink. Never has a girl with alcohol poisoning been so rude.
No, next time he offers you a ride home, ask him about Batman. The result will always be road head.
I'm worried about us. We are almost 30 and we still drink jaeger bombs till we black out. Wait, no I'm not. I'm excited about us.
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