she needs to go suck a dildo, because she isn't worth a dick
He broke into my apartment to check his Facebook again, the beer is all gone, and there's a new high score on pac man.
I can't talk to her. I know entirely too much about her genitals to hold a conversation without mentioning them.
I just had nipple jewelry returned to me in the law library.
My text message history should be ashamed of itself right now.
Unlike bears, this weekend is not the #1 threat to America. It is, however, the #1 threat to my liver
I apparantly wanted to name her baby garbage
Damn why is there no horse blowjob emoji?
My night ended with a French cab driver offering me his sperm free of cost.
I asked him to tell me a bedtime story, then threw up on him.
I changed his contact info to "NO" and a picture of satan
I know I'm moving in six days but getting wine drunk and laying in bed just sounds so good right now
Not drinking until my bday. I know it's only a few days but it feels like when couples get celibate before the wedding and there's all that tension.
He brought me a bottle of Jack, got me off 3 times, & then left. This is the best fakelationship ever!
What do you think would be the best way to remove a baby carrot from a vagina?
Randomize
