Racial profiling caused me to miss two cabs but the third cabs the charm - he's playing Jesus Music
Its piss that you smell... I borrowed that shirt last week. Sooo, wanna grab some laundry soap on your way home? And good luck on your date.
Found my little brother jerking off with a condom. he said he was "practicing"
OMG its one we used last night
you kept saying "no santa, im not having sex with you. it's not your holiday".
I made out with Jen. We were naked. I'm still gay. Forever
This is me reassuring you that I'm still alive and making sure you still are.
on the subway to an interview & there's a dude doing whippits out of a cheese wil can
So I managed to get the bitch who has been copying off me all semester in History to copy the names of Pokemon towns off my test.
I'm supposed to be studying for finals but all I can think about is blowing him on a sea doo this summer
Apparently from about 3-5AM I was consoling that crying stripper about her life choices.
Just so you know, classy bitches change the morning after in a CVS bathroom.
My heart is swelling with pride right now. I fucking love you.
He is like the "hometown sweetheart", but a huge freak. Like "I'll come change your flat tire"....but then fuck you like an animal in the back seat.
Did you catch one of my beer pong balls in your cleavage or was that a dream?
The way I kissed her was actually pretty charming and then it devolved to car sex
Oh, do you remember telling everyone you were with that your vagina was angry last night?
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