I love him more than I love myself. Which is a lot...Because I'm narcissistic.
We made a late night liquor run, made margaritas and bloody marys and then retreated to opposite sides of the house to drink them. Alone.
You guys make me sad
You misspelled jealous there
I'm going to email her once I get off the bathroom floor
She literally called herself a shamefully bad decision. Of course I slept with her. Best bad decision ever
Yep we found him face down in my sister's bathroom begging for blowjobs without mustard
I should have known I was in trouble when you started pouring shots all over me
It was a two-sided wall so part of my body ended up in someone elses condo.
Pushiiing vjews 4 ma daz caik
Lyk hr kuds 4
She is larger then a hippo. You could cut her open in the middle of a blizzard and crawl in like Luke skywalker. Throw a couch and a tv in there and you're set
IM WEARING A FLAG
So that's a no to the clothes then
FLAG
In other news, I'm pretty sure my mom was encouraging me to have a threesome yesterday... I don't even want to start digging in that garden of horror and trauma.
The house hit rave levels when La Bamba came on which confuses me because I live in white suburban Canada
PARA BAILAR LA BAMBA ASSHOLES
i'm sitting in bed scratching my boobs and wearing a sparkly fedora and have no one to blame but myself
Married dude I had an affair with 10yrs ago was at table next to us at dinner last nite. My mom asked him to take a pic of us & then commented how cute he was as they left. Do I tell her he’s got a huge D too?
Do you ever wake up and realize playing beer pong with your parents wasnt a dream? Your mom really beat you
Randomize
