Holy shit I just stopped short on route 18 because I thought my gps was saying I had to turn right in 11 feet. After almost hitting the guardrail I realized I had to turn in 11 miles.
Fuck I'm high.
Woke up this morning with one boob drawn on to look like the globe. Questionable?
I just had a 2 1/2 hr conversation about the pros and cons of taping your ballsack to your taint, which then led into the unveilling of lady gaga being a hermaphrodite.
my mom walked in on me smoking weed alone, listening to the eagles, and just staring at the river. she totally knew.
you handed me the dorito you were about to eat and told me to 'keep him safe' while you went to the bathroom
Last thing I remember is beer bonging sangria. Dear God.
So not the biggest tits he had his cock between. He could have lied.
This is what you sent me from the other side of the pool, "Idk but thers a pool n l wanna get naked take off my trunks ill paddle with my dick"
I just bought a 1/4 oz of pot from a coworker who's old enough to be my grandfather...I'm never leaving Portland.
Im part way to drunk.
now that we broke up we are playing hot potato with the cock ring.. Poor thing just needs a home
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score onr for mom.
Apparently we fucked, I kicked him out, then he came back and we did it on the coffee table and in the kitchen.
I woke up to rachel asking "did anyone else fall out of a tree last night?"
She called and said she was waiting for me naked. I got there and she was in ratty sweats, sitting in Nick's lap, with divorce papers. Needless to say my night was shitty.
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