Considering the face that your still in jail Im gunna go with no.
Came home and the girl was sitting on the steps "talking" on her ipod touch AND was halfway done eating a raw cucumber.
I mean, I know going to rehab probably didn't make her a lesbian, but I can always hope
I started sorting laundry at 6 am. He finally got the hint and left
That one life defining moment when you catch yourself pouring whisky into your hot chocolate at 4 am, whilst crying and talking to your dog.
I was thinking more like a "sorry you can hear us, but I'm having the best sex of my life" cake
how the hell were we supposed to out run the cops in a bus?
He wouldn't let me put a red handprint on his face or scream to him everytime he walked away.
Why did you want to do any of that?
If someones last name is Wilson, you are obligated to pretend that you are Tom Hanks and they are a Volleyball and quote the movie when you speak to them.
I manage to fit my wine bottle in my koozie and the rest is history
Betting for two different teams with two different guys is the best. Time to get $100 by one guy and laid by the other!
I don't care if he's the coolest coworker, if he's living in his mom's basement at 30 you should not buy drugs from him
2 weeks into this dating someone with money thing and I already don't know if I can go back to the being poor life
Do you know how difficult it is to masturbate with Christmas carols stuck in your head?!
Look idk the rules and regulations of our freindship...but I need you to carry me to my car.
Our livers are going to hate us.
It's okay, they're regenerative. God wanted this.
Randomize
