is there an easy way to say "i didnt plan on sleeping with you until i saw how drunk you were" ?
he is literally lying on the floor eating cookies. doing nothing. and as i was hitting him he needed to protect the cookies more than himself.
He bought me a pink rose and a Plan B. I really like this guy.
This is God's way of telling me He loves me and wants me to be a cocktease.
Go forth my daughter and give blue balls to all who may gaze upon your tits.
is it sad that i can honestly say it was the best birthday sex i've ever had and it was still terrible?
how exactly do you say, "i only agreed to meet you for breakfast because i thought we could go to your place and fuck afterwards."
It would be like a dance party with a dick inside you. I think that's what Ke$ha wants for the world.
It's that time of night again when I start to think I'm really funny, but no one else is as drunk as I am so they all start avoiding me.
my grandma just gave me a shoebox fulled to the top with tootsie rolls and condoms with a not that said "enjoy college, find a big cock" i'm not sure how I feel about this
Using mass transit when I'm hungover makes me feel like I missed my calling as a serial killer
who was i chillin with last night? i woke up in a storage unit
Just please try not to piss Danny off, I really can't afford to find a new drug dealer again
I am a delicate flower. A fucked up, drunk, horny, pants pissing, delicate little flower.
Not only do I have a well-defined bite mark on my arm, but I also have a perfectly clear bruise of a handprint wrapped around my arm like a tribal tattoo. Thoughts on how that happened?
My vagina is very pro this idea
Randomize
