proudest moment: just made a guy walk into a parked car with his mouth hanging open cause of the shirt im wearing.
he said i look beautiful when i cum. i think i'm in love.
Is my tampon string too long for this dress?
She looked at it and said "your dick is like the golden gate bridge."
I'm not holding out much hope. She met me in a nighclub when I was arguing with the cigarette machine
Just got offered to exchange moonshine for manscaping services by a gay guy. I'm gonna have the smoothest back in St. Louis county.
I should start handing out wavers before I have sex with someone. 1. Do you have anything to do tomorrow? 2. Are you ok with sleeping 12 hours from exhaustion. 3. Are you ok with a limp?
he had me stop mid-blow job to make me use my phone to id a song on the radio..
i wasnt really sure how to responde to that.
My mom just told me my dad shaves his pubes while drunk and I don't know how to feel anymore.
Just bc you put "its cute" at the end of it doesn't change the fact that u have called me a vag twice this morning and its only 10:03
Fucking shoot me with this y'all shit. You were in Texas for 2months you do not have an accent Madonna
Someone explain why I'm twerking in my bathroom right now before a charity run
Doing the walk of shame from the back of a Jeep to the porta potty it's parked next to while your dad watches is not what you want.
so we just got back from swapping peoples patio furniture around to different patios. some people might like unexpected change. others might regret living on the ground floor.
My party ended early and I have a mountain of shrimp and weed
Randomize
