Remember back in the day when getting fingered in the movie theater was the best thing ever?
You know you have a problem when the only thing that saves you is that you drank so late into the night that you sleep through the designated walk of shame time window
No one showed up yet so I smoked 4:20 on chatroulette with a naked chick..
he had a sign stolen from the tennis court hanging above his bed that said, "please limit play to one hour while others are waiting"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Worst relationship ever. Keep in mind I've dated two married chicks and a Mormon.
I am seriously considering thanking Macallan 18 in my thesis acknowledgments.
Half of elefante. Gelafin galaxy
There is a girl in my drunk limo who hasn't seen an uncircumcised penis. Hook me up with a picture.
The smell came through my closed door. His farts are made of rendered tires, and apparently, ghosts.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The bond between me and cheese is something no man can understand.
Gotta wait until my full time offer is confirmed before I try to fuck the mid level manager
Would I be a horrible mom if I got a babysitter at 6am so I could go get laid.
When the hubs wants to wear his training mask during sex and pretend to be Bane you just go with it.
My "lord keep me from stabbing a bitch" prayer has gotten a lot of miles today
My adderall dealer raised his prices due to "impending inflation" ... never buying from a college grad again
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