I think I'm going to go home and read The Bible.
halloween makes it hard to decipher real cops... from sexy men dressed up as them.
woke up to an unread text message i sent to myself: "brreakfdast..pork and ice cream."
I walked downstairs and he was standing in nothing but his boxers with his dick hanging out warming up eggs in the microwave.
She devotes each year to either men or women. I waited all year for her to be straight, tonights the night.
This makes me miss penis. Not in a horny way... but in a sad, sentimental way.
Ed's in which sucks about a thousand cocks... But thats 1800 less than working with Alex so it's gonna be a good day
You'd be surprised at the stuff my vagina tells my brain to say
You're tall, so I have high hopes for your dick.
So far today I've found 3.5 million dollars in savings. Pretty sure management is gonna start buying me hookers if getting laid has this much payoff
True. So did you hook up with pasta or the ultimate warrior
Little bit of both
all i know is there's a picture on my phone of him wearing my purple sweatpants and licking the bottom of my foot.
Just got offered bathroom sex. I've never been more flattered.
You were so drunk that you didn't even notice when I switched out your shot of jäger for a shot of maple syrup...before or after you drank it.
I hate the cold months. Everybody starts hibernating and I start talking to guys I would never normally talk to. You have a drug habit and no license? Perfect candidate for a boyfriend...
Randomize
