I walked up to her and said hello and wanted to ask her if she had fun last night... she asked me if we had met before.
We are brilliant. We call it the pint walk. Killing a pint of vodka while we walk from cleveland park to dupont. just making mama proud
im not sure if this headache is from the car accident or cocaine withdrawl
I told him "thank you for wearing a turtleneck yesterday, I no longer have a strong erg to have sex with you. " He is no longer speaking to me.
The puppy is a lightweight. 3 beers and he's passed out on the floor already. I repeat, the puppy is a lightweight.
buying new sheets for when my mom visits. I can't in good conscious let her use the ones from last night
Well he has that kind of carefree attitude that comes from a big penis
just go where the car takes you. fingers crossed its here with breakfast.
YOU DID DRUGS AFTER A THREESOME WHO ARE YOU TO JUDGE ME?!!?
No no don't get confused. We do chemistry homework on Thursdays. We screw on Fridays. Other than that, Words With Friends is our only communication five days a week. We are NOT dating.
I tried to stop that, but then I pulled the leaves out of my panties and went to sleep.
I am his drunk Jesus. I will love him from afar because he's my little lamb
You called me a pussy and continued to eat an entire jar of peanut butter with only your hand.
I fucking love your mom. She's so drunk and fully functional. I aspire to be her one day.
I just split a tacobell party box with my boss. 12 tacos. We were equals for a moment.
Randomize
