Oh shit, I think we need to get you a hobby that doesn't include penises
I can blatently call girls sluts here and they think i'm speaking norwegian
Dude, you walked in on me 5 times each times you had a different person with you. And each time you lifted the covers up and said 'whats going on in here'
Why do I feel like the only way for this trip to end is alcohol poisoning?
Thanks again for allowing my sister to lose her virginity on your bed.
Well at least he is okay. If you call the fetal position in my living room floor "okay"...
Im having a christmas reunion party tonight. Last year i ate my own contact. We'll see how this year goes
Lights are FLASHING. This just got REAL. CAPTALIZATION.
the guy sitting next to me at the bar has a patrick swayze tattoo hovering over a roast beef sandwich. 'merica.
Hey, what did you end up doing with those ski goggles?
Anything is possible. I didn't even know I was wearing the toilet cover as a hat
Yeah I'm at work. Nothing like the threat of blowing chunks on passing cars to make you feel alive.
I slept naked with a towel wrapped around my waist in case I pissed the bed again
Are there rules against fucking your ex's dealer?
I just got baptized.
Drunkenly skinny dipping in a indoor hotel pool is not okay and does not count as a baptism.
I hope that will b the last time i take off my pants in the chemistry building.
Randomize
