I hate cats. They're so curious, it's not their damn business.
Just saved her as "new hostess that randy banged" ...I forgot her name
The bouncer said he wanted to but BBQ sauce on my legs. That Mystic tan has already paid for itself.
Home, forcing the cats to make out. Someone should get some.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I woke up to him pissing in their fireplace with fairy wings on.
scream really loud. we think you crawled under the deck
I bought everclear. Bring your party pants and some addies
You're not gonna punch me in the face again are you?
when the washing machine is on all the beer bottles jiggle and clink against each other... "drink us drink us drink us"
porn backed up onto portable hard disk, laptop charged, battery backup in place, two cases beer, handle of vodka, poptarts and beef jerky --- bring it sandy.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm going to text my booty call and tell him nevermind, that I got the job finished by myself. That will teach him to text back faster.
This lesson is brought you by a psychology class.
He legit watched "Cops" the entire time he was fingering me.
It's not safe here. I had urgent and violent diarrhea last night, and I got blackout drunk. Please don't come over.
we should start a freak-out-the-cashier-contest. I just bought JerseyShore Season2, red high heels, and nipple soothing pads
THAT BEAUTIFUL FACE AND HEAVENLY LIGHTING IS NOT HELPING THE NOT DEAD POINT HOW DO I NOT KNOW YOU ARE NOT TEXTING ME FROM THE AFTERLIFE
The after life smells like latex gloves and hand soap
I'm doing my drinking workout. 20 pushups for each beer I finish. I should write a fucking book
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