She is totally STD
Is it a bad omen that my phone auto corrects dtf to STD
My gynecologist just commented on how well my vagina was waxed
I just had a Brazilian done for this guy. He's getting first-date sex whether he wants it or not.
In your defense, I really thought capturing that alligator would have been a lot more awesome and a lot less tragic.
RIP Mr Bojangles.
Sorry I didn't take you making out with him all night as a hint you wanted nothing to do with him...
I just accidentally hit share on pornhub... Probably the scariest moment of my life
Where are you? I hear fireworks and you've gone missing. I'm sure that is not coincidence.
I'm pretty sure at any given moment you could wring out my liver and get a couple of shots of jäger.
We are so blessed to to have nicely shaped vaginas
I thank god almighty everyday
Idk what the interview would be like but I imagine you in a suit and tie surveying a nervous freshman and eventually leading him into a labyrinth of debauchery and clapping him on the back, saying "welcome to the fraternity, son"
Somehow I just turned an entire McDonald's bag upside down in my car and not a single fry fell out. The Lord really does work in mysterious ways.
I'm just now realizing I've slept with guys from three different decades over the past year. That's gotta be some sort of record.
You reached new levels of laziness. After we woke you up to take shots with us, you stayed in bed so you didn't have to move when you were drunk and sleepy
Pooping in a box is not fun. You're not a cat.
Drunk. Come get me. Out front blue shirt.
Where are you? And you borrowed my shirt. I know what you're wearing. How wasted are you?
Hotel
WHICH HOTEL??
Randomize
