Needless to say when I told my parents they loved me less
I guess she thought her walk of shame would be more dignified if she stole my dog
after she pushed someone down the stairs to get more vodka we lost her for a while and found her on the pole in the garage pouring water on herself
I just listened to "Eye of the Tiger" and did 5 shots to prep going over to see him.
I'm at home, drinking with my cat. While this is an enjoyable lifestyle, other plans are preferable.
I don't understand or I understand perfect - if were not talking about fried chicken I'm not sure what's happening.
In other news it turns out I like Heineken.. In a desert island kind of way
A group of drunk Marines just serenaded me, never leaving this place
If I don't quit picking up guys when I'm drunk, I'm going to need a vagina transplant.
I decided to have a date tonight. Back on horse I go. Or aiming to be on a horse cock one day. You know. However that metaphor goes.
I'm by myself. some Midwest chick is hitting on me because I gave her a deviled egg. I need the distraction.
His favorite stripper is going to jail. He's taking it pretty hard
She made me keep my boots on and say "you're welcome darlin" after every orgasm......so yes it was an awesome night.
ok so you're 100% sure this time that he isn't your ex in disguise again?
Wanted to let you know I hooked up with your brother.
i thought he was gay wtf
Randomize
