She kept screaming "yeah! You pick up my books!" the whole time. . .
You paid the taxi driver with a comb last night.
You can't use the, "think about your future" line when trying to convince me to save some weed for tomorrow.
oh my god i'm in a crawl space
Who the hell poured a whole pouch of Capri Sun down my throat last night?
literally hosing herself off in my back yard with the hose. i offered her the shower but she refused. that drunk.
By the power invested in me, I now pronounce your taco to be meaty. Meaty taco meaty taco meaty meaty meaty taco.
I need to stop drinking alone, I wrote a love letter to my tattoos
my whole wardrobe smells like substance abuse
You declared your undying love to a drag queen, then proceeded to puke into the poor man's purse.
cmon you know I'm perfectly capable of something that ridiculous 100% sober
I just unmatched him. If your Thirsty Thursday only consists on the gym then I am not the woman for you ✌🏻️
If you ever tell anyone I offered you boob squeezes for cheetos, I'll kill you
You fell while talking to a cop, then proceeded to acuse him of tripping you... he was arresting you for public intox.
Hey, I'm sleeping in your car...lol just knock on the window in the morning
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