He offered to take me out to a nice dinner but I told him I would rather he just pay for my beer this weekend
I managed to lose everything but my socks.. which stayed on all 6 times we had sex.
she worked me into her spring break cardio plan. im mondays and wednesdays.
I remember pointing out how smooth my legs were to try to direct his attention away from my vagina.
You know he really cares when he gives you one of those on-the-go toothbrushes for your walk of shame before running to work
I think we did. All i know my pants smell like pong water due to the bathroom extravagansa. God I feel like a whore.
Oh I know babe. You're shining beacon of adult responsibility. That's why I go down on you.
I go down on you because abs
The bros used their bong water as pong water but I walked in mid game and didn't know so they hit our first cup and I chugged it.
omg how embarrassing to not hear the delivery person knocking because you're singing "where are you Pizza" to the tune of "where are you christmas" too loudly
Are you sexting with minion stickers right now?
Is it rude to say "I hate you because you live inside Hillary Clinton's asshole"?
She was trying to be sexy well putting on my condom with her mouth when her cat pounced from the corner of the room witch caused her to gasp and inhale the condom
Probably should start having regular sex again too to lose this breakup weight. Good cardio.
Bring shot glasses to the final. Don't ask questions.
i'm the most scandalous girl at stop and shop. i kinda have to fuck him in the meat cooler.
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