Im so sleepy and hes snoring super loud! i just wanna suffocate him, sleep, and deal with the body when I wake up
4 words: hood of his car
Hes a 32 yr old divorced sailor that calls me almost every night drunk begging me to call him big daddy. I think i might need to change my number.
rather than putting your name in guys phones, you just texted 90999 to donate $10 to Haiti and then gave it back to them
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I feel more comfortable going down on her then actually kissing her.
Hey, I can't find my bed frame. Do you know who took it?
Hi Jessica this is Jessica and I am texting you and were taking lime shots and it's fantastic and I broke your elbow and I love you xo
what kind of roommate is she really? she wouldn't even hold my hair back.
A giant panda just asked me for a cigarette and said "man pandas gotta smoke too." There is something wrong with this place.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I can't. I drank 10 years off my life last night. I need to reevaluate. Sorry.
I think I just got judged by the pizza guy. dude, you deliver fucking pizza. you need rethink YOUR life.
There's scrapes on the inside of both my thighs.. Because we wanted to get drunk and climb trees naked.
he didn't stitch me up last time. in fact, he yelled at me for bleeding.
last night I used snow as a chaser
You're lucky I'm holding your vagina in my best interests
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