I told you I would drunk text you sometime........its that time.
Stuck in the Dallas airport. At the bar. Everytime a flight to DC gets cancelled, I'm takin a shot. Fuck you snow.
what if his mom answers? its like high school, but hes 30
Would it be weird if I told you I thought of you when I masturbated?
Looks like I'm more than just your Mexico mistake...
I hope there's a soldier with a Bedazzler just going to town right now.
to whom it may concern. if i am dead in colleens bed it is not her fault i slept in my scarf. my dads middle name is ronald.
Well at least the house will be decorated when u get evicted.
Ryan got so drunk he gave a hobo $20 and I had to zip tie him to the bed so he doesn't out stupid himself
When you left the bar, you did two cartwheels and a heel click and RAN ALL THE WAY HOME.
It's official. Post baseball sex is better than post hockey sex. I hope the Blue Jays win the world series.
He will forever be known as the toe sucker who may or may not have been a father
Stop getting drunk and running away. I can'tell chase you. Iim in heels and have big boobs. Running is a bad idea for me.
He made me chicken tenders and margaritas in preparation for me to take a pregnancy test at his place later tonight. Like...seriously.
She was drunk at Red Robin. She asked for more fries and then shoved them in her purse while saying "Come on bitches, you're coming with me" to them.
Bro, I was just laying in bed with this girl and her boyfriend came an woke me up
Randomize
