When you want to head down the cleveland on Sunday?
What time do the bars open? I dont want to remember how bad theyre gonna lose
It is 8 o'clock in the morning and there is already blood all over one of the stalls in the bathroom. What has your St. Patrick's day done for you?
We just passed a billboard that said to join "jerseydoesntstink.com" and literally 15 seconds later, we could smell jersey.
I have vodka an food stamps. At some point today, that will undoubtedly turn into jello shots.
I'm in the sex attic, crying, eating french toast and taco
Wearing scrubs to buy plan b so I look like I have my life together.
Obviously he considers you not fucking him as fucking up. Thus making him fuck up. Based on this I believe he should be disqualified from the race to your vagina.
I'm ordering a French maid costume for my dog too. It's like a couples costume, except for losers with dogs.
You were so drunk last night you left the bar to go buy a razor so you could go home with him
So we became Pizza Strippers- we stripped and asked for slices of pizza in return.
I'm beginning to think shitting his pants is just a normal thing for him.
I am in serious pain and you're making dick jokes. I hope you wind up with crotch rot.
I just timed my pee with a stop watch. From when the main stream started to ended. It was 45.1 seconds. This is the truth trust me.
Dude, I danced with Abe Lincoln! How could last night have been any better???
And now Google thinks I have a hard hat fetish...maybe I do...
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