I just beer bonged a sparks. You better get your ass over here because no one is on my level yet
no you cant smoke seaweed
I am literally too baked to press the call button. How am I supposed to bone him?
i was about to cum until he started doing shrek impressions.
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I am highly attracted to the men and that's all i can say. I do not clap and make noises but i do turn to the side and say how i'd do incredible things to them if given the chance
You tried to call "time out" during the sobriety test.
Just did a walk of shame dressed as a cowgirl and walked past his ex's entire sorority. Yippee kye aye, motherfucker.
She dresses cool and she's mean. And she has fake boobs I feel like I can relate to her on so many levels.
I just farted a soft, gentle fart and it made me think of the eye puff glaucoma test at the eye dr. I hope that's not fart air they use for those. And yes, I'm texting you from the toilet and yes again, I'm high.
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You didn't try to help me when I fell on the dance floor. She brought me cupcakes. You're a shitty friend, suck your own dick.
Doug will be the one to get my vagina. I don't know when or how but I'm now declaring that it is his. And he better not disappoint.
You dropped my mother on the dance floor. She has a concussion. You didn't apologize. Don't speak to me for a while.
The problem is that you are trying to hold on to some dignity. Let it go. I hope your rash gets better.
I'm gonna write a book. Almost Awesome: all the times I ALMOST got laid.
I was sitting here smiling wondering why i'm so fucking happy at work. cookie has kicked in