Roman Polanski is more welcome at my daughter's birthday party than you are at that bar
Just puked in a mcdonalds cup while driving. Didn't even swerve.
So im going to watch Hocus Pocus in my footie pajamas... How am I in college?
Correct me if I'm wrong, but I did not stop moving last night. If tequila gives me that extra push to have an active lifestyle, so be it.
New York to be Host to America’s Biggest Singles Event
You slow clapped the stripper last night.
Try not to get arrested for it, but otherwise i support you
He's CUTE. and foreign
The guy who was The Count on Sesame Street died this week too. Therefore, you should take multiple shots, count them, & go "ahh aaahh aaaahhh" after each one. I expect video...
You have to start asking people if they're gay before you kiss them..
Dude when the cops came you ran through the fence. Fucking THROUGH it. You're a master ditcher.
Kylie Jenner Wasn’t in the Kardashian X-Mas Cards & the Internet is Losing it
Taco trucks are like ice cream trucks for drunk adults. They should have a mariachi tune they play super loud to bring people out of the bars for tacos.
If you sleep with him again I'll have you spayed
I had to ask him for a dick pic. Do you know how refreshing that was?
we had a full conversation and he only brought up drugs twice. overall I'd call it a success
Trust me.. Might look gay.. Might feel gay... But I could snap your neck with my inside thighs bro
Yes, you can glue plastic eyes to my dick and take pictures while I'm asleep. If you tell anyone I said you could do that Ima fight you.