I served up a girl her first a2m the other day. You would have been proud.
sometimes you just have to masturbate at your friend's house.
I'm sorry..where i come from learning how to exploit a wealthy middle aged man is a right of passage
You're so wise. You're like my sexual Grandmother Willow.
i was super drunk. to the point where i was putting shredded cheese on a fork, putting hot sauce on it then dipping it in salsa. it was awesome.
Shit. We're going to have to drink until they're cute
Hello cirrhosis
True that.. I am going to ride a gold plated unicorn across a field of cocaine and coach purses when I graduate.
That was beautiful.
It's gonna be one of those someone is getting divorced parties
Just promise me you wont die... or hook up with an old asian lady playing slots
Cant promise that last part. I won't die though
I was carrying around a bottle of Jameson yelling rescue me
By the way I peed in a mug last night cause you were in the bathroom and im pretty sure it is still in the kitchen.
It was literally 8 o'clock in the morning. His horniness knows no bounds.
I am one with the molecules
Is it okay to get drunk at a baby shower? ....asking for a friend
Do you wanna fuck while my apple pie is in the oven?
Randomize
