you should probably quit with the whole "no homo" thing, especially when you are drunk, "mo homo"gives the wrong impression.
Is it sad that when she told me he has a small peen I felt like it made us more compatible?
I just found out my boyfriend is cheating on me, please tell me Carl is a unisex name.
Last night must have been awesome, my dog still smells like vomit.
so i finally decided to ask her out. she started mumbling, then she puked on me. i think i'll try again when she's sober
so im sitting outside the gym eating a 20 piece nugget stoned out of my mind, convincing myself this is more productive because im so close to the treadmills.
So not only did you shoot down my invitation and prob walked past my house but now ur excluding me from a wet t shirt contest which btw i totally would have won
The chick got into the cab with us and said we have 3 chances to guess what she just stuck up her ass. Hello to you to!
Which one of you fuckers thought itd be funny to see if the kitchen table can float.
I'm missing a sock, a boot, and antlers. We need to get on that.
And. I know i am a gay man cause when i saw the pic of his cock his feet were in it and i am like what the fuck?
he can suck his own dick, i cant compete with that
Its the damn oven. I think it wants to eat me.
Sunburned by dick at the nude beach. Bad. She tried to blow me. But. I. Just. Can't. Saddest day of my life.
I told her I wanted to go swimming and she responded with jello shots, taking off her clothes, and jumping into the pool...I think I'm in love
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