:( I'm sorry!!!
sexual favors sorry?
absolutely not
He still wants to giggity, regardless of his girlfriend. So...I guess I'm happy again.
This martini tastes like the bartender stirred it with his foreskin.
i woke up with toilet paper straight tucked up in my underwear wearing a pizza sauce mustach. I dont think i got laid last night.
There needs to be a newsfeed for phones... A list of all my drunken calls, texts, BBMs, new contacts, pictures sent AND received, all in chronological order.
Apparently, I woke him up at 4AM, and yelled "you're mad because we don't have sex," while grabbing his dick. Then immediately fell back asleep, dick in hand.
what part of 'taking a night off' includes MDMA in your world?
1 tequila 2 tequila 3 tequila, floor.
*roof
But the guy you're fucking should not be within ten pounds of your weight when you're five fucking feet tall and he's 6'2". That's all I'm saying.
That's how I like my men: traumatized and crying in a ball
I just realized my new apartment is at the corner of Patrick Henry and Mary Jane.
Give me weed or give me death?
Thanks for fingering me to orgasm during Wu-Tang Clan
I'm gonna write a book. Almost Awesome: all the times I ALMOST got laid.
I am the fucking FIFTH wheel. How do you think it's going?
His sisters are going to have a heyday finding all those condoms in their bunk beds.
Randomize
