I just walked in on my dad looking at porn. is there protocol for this?
You should probably just propose to him the old fashioned way: sleep with him and get pregnant.
No more Irish car bombs ever.
When I was with my girlfriend I was averaging 1 random hookup a week. In the 2 months I've been single I haven't got any. I think I need her back.
He was pretty out of it. He heard crickets outside, and thought it was the laptop. So he put his ear to it, rubbed the keyboard, and said "tell me your secrets."
We didn't have beer, so we played mini-beer pong with shots and frozen peas.
The staff doesn't like it when you try and take your wheelchair for a joy ride since I've been waiting for an hour and a half.
I seriously had to check my phone this morning to make sure I didn't agree to any strange sexual favors.
You told me you had two boobs that want to be naked for me. I'm just following up on your request.
Tried to land my foot on his shoulder and kicked him in the face. Then I fell into a homeless man's bike and posed with a buffalo head. How was your night?
I just really wish I could go back and unsex him. Waste of my vagina.
"I feel morally obligated to vote for him since he's my drug dealers dad"
At least you didn't sleep with Ashley's uncle.
well my apartment and my life are still a disaster but I did clean off my desk so that's gotta count for something...
She was blacked out at her own party. It felt good to stand next to her while she laid on the floor and say "vomit does not look good on you."
Randomize
