I created a new tequila drink. it is a mix of excitement and fear instilled in innocent people.
I really want to fuck my wifes sister.
I wish I was a guy so I could jack myself off anytime I wanted to
You called information & said "connect me to johnny depp" when they told u it wasn't listed u said " try depp comma johnny he's expecting my call"
awesome recipe for disaster- bar hopping at the airport
Booyah. Found 8000 pesos in my closet and that's apparently 608 US dollars
I blacked out before two in the afternoon yesterday. Now that's a successful birthday.
I just want to point out that nothing makes my hickie/hangover more obvious than sleeping in a scarf and sunglasses. nothing.
It was pathetic and I was covered in butter
Just got done fucking the squirter chick. She came when we were in a 69. I now know what it's like to be water boarded.
Had to sacrifice my vibrator batteries to the thermostat gods. I had a dirty dream and also almost a heat stroke.
He was so aggressive it felt like he was giving my boob a root cannal
The smoothie place is closed, but the liquor store is open and wine is kinda like a smoothie.
I'm a grown ass woman. Treat me like one. Fuckboy
You tore a poster off a lamppost and ATE IT. That drunk.
Randomize
