also referred to as T.P.S. (Toddler Penis Syndrome)
u were so high that u chewed on candle wax for an hour
can you explain why there is a dead rabbit in my front seat?
idk, I had a turtle in mine.
gettin drunk isnt as much fun when i can use my own id for it
I promise you I could read that dogs mind, he was arguing with the other dog saying he knows how fucked up I am
I mean I don't object to weird looking penis as long as it gets the job done. I just need to get it in. I'm gonna be humping chairs soon.
I didn't have toilet paper until 20 minutes ago. But I have champagne. Priorities.
Fool me once shame on you. Fool me twice and I'm the idiot missing half an eyebrow again.
I was just tryna bring you beer girl. I should've known you'd be shirtless though
Also, I have your check. Also, still wanna drop acid?
I'm sorry about the spring break comment. I won't make anymore pornos, I promise.
Hungover on St. Patrick's Day. I did this backwards.
I just saw a woman give her infant whiskey tits. About ten minutes ago she was doing shots, and now she's breast feeding. Whiskey. Tits.
I threw up in 4 different Starbucks across the city before 9 am.
God knew I'd have horrible taste in men, so made me asexual to ensure I'd never fuck them.
Randomize
