dude she wont stop talking about little people big world...she said my penis looked like zach roloff and took a picture with her phone?
I may or may not be laying in bed naked watching The Nanny. Niles is so spunky.
clearly I should have checked to see if he was an NRA member before I went back to his house and woke up in Heston's haven.
Just remembered throwing your phone at your face in a half-drunk stupor the other morning when your alarm went off. Thought I should apologize.
Apparently on the way out of the ER i asked the nurse to doggie-bag me some more morphine.
two words: eviction party
You hooked up with a kindergarten teacher?
Yea. It's kind of weird knowing that there are kindergarten teachers out there with their nipples pierced.
I havnt even moved into my new place yet and there's already a county sheriffs card taped to the door with my name on it asking me to call him
By the end of the night i was making legitimate noises not just saying moo.
his eyes are fucked up, he bumped into the cabinet while standing in my office, and he's pounding chicken soup, and he must have chewed on 8 pieces of gum before he got here.
I'm straight up riding in the back of my truck in a bean bag chair right now. Feet propped up and four loko in hand. Glorious.
Today was brought to you by the letter B for beer and bourbon and the number fuck you I'm meant to be studying not hungover
Are we going to go home and do it or do I have time to eat my nachos bell grande first?
He passed out with his shoes on 20 minutes till midnight, and I didn't have a sharpie so I took the cheese whiz and filled his exposed ass crack.
I know he’s married, but he’s still a guy with balls and a dick. He noticed my cleavage and stared at my ass. He’ll call.
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