I can't believe believe she called me a slut. She doesn't know anything about me or my life.
Shit, that's something a lot of sluts say.
the beds are so narrow its like a jenga threesome
you wouldn't come out from under your bed because you said there were six-armed bears everywhere.
ohhh that explains the pepperonis I found in my sock drawer this morning...
no it doesn't.
I just saw an old lady yelling at a dead pigeon for leaving the oven on.
On the bright side since it was a Tuesday you weren't even in jail for the long! that could've been worse!
I am a human short and spout . Here is my jager Herr is my redbull . When i get real drink i shout out. Tip me over and pour yeager out
I basically get to watch her life fall apart via tumblr updates
Crashed the mayor's bday party, no list for some reason. Wore suits. Ludacris was there.
Please make the clown in the corner stop judging me. I mean he's the one with paint on his face. I don't need him judge judying me.
It's isn't revenge sex until you've cum on her porcelain doll collection.
Can we please get through at least one night out when you DON'T threaten to have sex with one of my parents?!?!
She's trying to put on her dog muzzle on her self
I refuse to believe this is a lapse in my dick hunting skills. It's gotta be the gods playing a game.
It does not feel like it was just this morning that I had a penis in multiple cavities of my body
I remember you banged her while I was dying on your couch, so good call
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