you'll be glad to know I got kicked off the microphone at a bar in Breckenridge last night thanks to my country rendition of all star
Can't wait to go see my drug dealers baby being born. He rolled all of the "it's a boy" cigars into blunts.
I'm sure that's not what the inventers of the Turkey baster had in mind, but that's what I had in mine.
He's hinting that I'm starting to be kicked out of their blunt rides, I can feel it.
It's like leaving me for his wife wasn't enough. He had to give me an STD too.
I'm a gay man planning my brothers bachelor party, and he choose someone else to be his best man. I hope they like appltinis and gay clubs. Bastard.
There seems no grander way to celebrate 420 than to smoke atop a mountain peak.
That was the apt with beer in the juice and the floor caving in. Don't go.
It's amazing how not interested in talking to him I am since I've decided that he probably has chlamydia.
So hungover. Walked into room and poached their catering before realized in wrong place. Scowled and ate it anyway
I'm just waiting til he drunkenly pisses in his new man's car the way he always whipped it out and went Bellagio in mine.
I would go a lot of places to get laid. But I would NOT go to Staten Island.
i just took a huge shit in old main. i think my college bucketlist is finished.
I'm just so full of love and alcohol
feeding cats lunchmeat on my kitchen floor. come pour me another shot.
Randomize
