just hooked up with an air force officer in a hotel room paid for by the military. i feel like i should go around thanking taxpayers for the assist.
Dude I still wanna know who I had sex with on new years eve
My niece just unknowingly cock blocked me. Obviously, someone won't be getting a christmas present this year.
Decided against hooking up with creepy stalker guy for a ride to work. I feel I've earned a few self respect points back.
Just induced vomiting to put out a carpet fire.
Everyone is cheering
I inadvertently smoked 6 blunts at one time. We just kept passing them around...I didn't know what happened until it was over. I can't walk.
Tequila pump. I'm ecstatic your engineering degree has real world application.
There is pretty much a target on everyone's lips when I am drunk. EVERYONE
I really don't think there's anything more liberating than farting.in a loud bar where no one.can.hear you
God gave me a talent besides one night stands. I feel like I should use it
i'm not sure what happened last night.. i do remember the police calling me to find out where i was because apparently at some point i went missing? don't worry though. they found me
Judging by his bulge. This guy is going home with me. Who doesn't want a dick that looks like it used to be a pillar in Rome.
My fucking earlobe is bruised what the hell
He also wore a doorag last night so i had to swipe left.
Let he who has not made drunken spaghetti at 3 a.m. cast the first stone.
Randomize
