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Just watched 1 guy 1 jar with my mom. Awkwardville...
In hindsight buying the pill crusher with my vicodin prescription might have been too much.
making my second box of kraft dinner for the day. thinking about telling him how much you cheat on him so that you end up having to spend valentines day with me. i'm sorry its every man for himself.
I cannot believe I said bareback movement...
Woaahhhh there! We are JUST drunk fucking. Don't call me "baby".
The camera shows a viking with a white mask, a creepy green guy, a gorilla, and a pumpkin throwing eggs and laundry detergent in his yard
OHHH and there was a Batman too.
my roommate just said she thinks she got a flashback or some memory of me getting hit by a car.
TACOBELL COOL RANCH TACOS MARCH 7TH. I think realistically that will be more like valentines day for us. Bc nothing says romance like tacobell.
you walked around drinking beer out of a plunger and telling people it was a goblet...
Also this time, I didn't have a random creepy guy come up from behind me, grab my junk, and whisper "where's the cocaine?" in my ear. So that's also a win.
I banged a guy named Robbie last night and in the middle of sex he begged me to scream santos. I'm pretty sure I just screwed a dude with multiple personalities.
so how was it...?
sadly not as impressive as one might expect from a division one athlete. he lacked the stamina i had hoped for, and by lacked i do mean he fell asleep while he was still inside me. an epic wtf moment, i know.
He told me that he had never gotten a blow job. I sat there for a second, then thought "I MUST FIX THIS!" It was fucking fantastic.
I JUST WANT TO HAVE AWKWARD SEXUAL EXPERIENCES WITH HIM.
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