Well he asked to have a sober hang out so i guess that constitutes as a date in college
You kept yelling that her vagina looked like a hatchet wound.
im pretty sure all they do is fuck. and talk in baby talk. its two babys fucking basically.
day 8: i just gave goat a piece of pineapple soaked in rum. as an animal science major, im ashamed. as a normal person, it was awesome.
You were peeing on yourself thinking it was the sprinkler in your yard
I'm on my fifth double. This night is getting better whether it likes it or not.
Just coerced a Santa to buy me a handle. Tis the season.
let's just say if he has a penis and he hypothetically needs to put it somewhere... i would take care of that for him.
He doesn't drink liquor so instead of doing a body shot off my belly button he dropped water in there and sipped it out with a straw. Look at my face: =|
Dude if I call tonight please answer and just say "NO, dont do it."
BAT SHIT CRAZY
It's you're fault, even though I never called
There's only two more days left to say you saw me naked this year.....I'll bring the booze, you got all of next year to rationalize why.
Woke up with 5 texts apologizing from a number I named "guy who elbowed me in face"
Alcohol. Making me feel good about myself since 2008
Excuse me I just made a hot pocket without burning down the house, I think i can do anything.
Get to the bar now. Ryan is single again and every skank on campus that has heard story about his dick is circling like a shark. A cock hungry shark
Randomize
