So I went on a date with this girl...and whos our waitress? My girlfriend got a second job she didn't tell me about to afford my bday present.
so im watching realhousewives of jersey with my mom. she just said they werent really rich bc they were doing their own makeup.
Successfully pulled the houdini tonight. Check that off my list.
'in an unhealthy relationship' should def be an fb option
Are we still dressing up as garden gnomes for halloween?
No. I would like to get laid again before I graduate.
are any of them hardcore sluts...just absolute worthless human beings? if not the paper wins
All I remember is him trying to go down on me, but I guess I was too busy making out with his brother
He only dropped the Russian accent after we started having sex.
Is it too early to say this year has been a blur?
Based off of the soaking wet clothes/towels/rugs, Eiffel Tower statue and monkey in the bathtub, I'm going to assume drunk me took a bath.
Are you really alive right now?
So we became Pizza Strippers- we stripped and asked for slices of pizza in return.
I'd google it, but I don't really want my search history to say, "Name for masturbating on a flight."
L'Shannah Tovah!
Whats that? My new stripper name?
I broke my wrist trying to give him a blow job...
And this is why we can’t have nice things
Whats spookier? Halloween or waking up to a drunk text from your ex telling you how awesome you are at 2am
Randomize
