Honestly I wish you never came into my life. I know I don't want you. But I keep trying to get you back bc of the memories
I don't see you I see the memories. All the time
Operation extremely regretful is in full effect
He yelled IN THE FACE!! while cumming on my face.
then he tried to tell me how many times he had seen Scott's dick. his estimate was about 180 times. he thought I didn't understand.
Everybody knows the last week of summer internships include showing up to the office hammered and hitting on the CEO
Dude. Zebras have bad attitudes.
While you were hooking up with her I pulled you off to make sure you knew what you were doing.
You said you were "testing the product for Chris."
I'm a bad man.
Dude he downed 9 shots of tequila, sang bohemian rhapsody with 3 randoms Wayne's world style, solo'd closing time, chased the hot bartender's dog all the way to main, tackled him, carried him back, hot bar tender hugged AND kissed him, then he does a jumping heel click and leaps into my car through the window. Next rounds free at the yeti. Needless to say your little brother is a tequila god.
Basically.
I am no longer drunk enough to crave tostitos
He stopped in the middle of us banging in order to check in for his Southwest flight.
idk how I feel so profoundly understood by someone whose latest tweet is "labia majora's mask." but I do.
Text me if something catches fire and I will put pants on
Fuck you. Leave my nipples out of this. THEY DID NOTHING TO YOU
Despite evidence suggesting otherwise, it turns out max is 100%straight.
you poured beer in your mouth so you could be a beer pong cup for her to drink out of/make out with
Did it work?
Randomize
