just ate pastrami before passing out in my hotel room. My room smells like a petting zoo
I'm going to shit on something weird... I can't wait
I stayed up for hours making sure you didnt pass out in a mountain of your own puke. But when I heard you yell AWWWW FUUCCKK, somehow I knew everything would be ok
What do you think it is?
It's a boy. I know it. She always manages to have a cock inside her somehow.
He hit on a bridal shower w/ his hand on my tit the entire time. Gave his number to the mom.
got my wristband ripped off, was told i can only be served water. please find me, i'll be running through the fountain
I miss eating meals at a table and having unprotected sex..
For the amount of money I just spent on my dogs toe, I could have fucked the entire B squad at a low end strip club.
Long story short he broke into a preschool and threw all their cones into a tree.
Already at the river; already getting fucked up. And yes that semicolon is legit because those are congruent statemests
Halfway through she said I was exactly like she imagined. So many things have been stroked this night.
No judgement. Sometimes you gotta twerk on a legends face.
The cop said he like my hair today. Please explain all other interactions with law enforcement, k thanks
I'm the only person I know who could have actual sex and then dream about my vibrator.
I was really surprised he asked for my number the next morning..... and my name.
Randomize
