Oh just a soda. I'm "driving"
What can I say...he's packing some serious heat down there. You wouldn't expect that looking at him, huh?
I guess God knew he was going to be bald...
Mat is currently running around his basement "trying to catch oxygen in his mouth."
My therapist says she wants to work on my 'trust issues'. I think she's found the cash cow within.
I'm not saying he has herpes, I'm just saying he slept with my friend that has herpes.
Beer lympzucs are ki7lling me
I finally got out of bed at 8:30pm and my little brother informed me that I had cereal stuck to my back. I'm going to smoke a cigarette and go back to sleep.
You know it's a good weekend when you wake up on Sunday questioning your sexuality.
I don't know his last name, but he's in phone as Pat the conqueror.
Everyone was in the walk-in getting high, and I had to be all cool. Serving soup and salads. Night manager status doesn't pay enough.
Literally just napped at strip club. Don't know how long
I just want to nap and funnel a bottle of wine in a cute dress
I gave him a blowjob to kill bill. 2 of my favorite things.
I threw a lamp at you?
Yes, yes you did.
Awesome
You abruptly started screaming because they had and I quote “calamari on the hoof”
Randomize
