Well listen chief - never again do i want the scenario of going to the ER totally naked and partially drunk to b a possibility.
You kept yelling that her vagina looked like a hatchet wound.
stop texting me from phones in the verizon store and pretending to be guys i talked to when i was drunk. its confusing.
apparently i'm really good at getting wasted, having sex all night, getting multiple hickeys and oversleeping father's day brunch. this is the third year its happened.
All I want to do is fuck in the bell tower before it leave this school. Is that too much to ask?
note to self: shower sex when you have 7 stitches in your leg is never a good idea. never.
Well if she's the kinda girl that doesn't want you after seeing a pic of your balls squeezed together, she's not the girl for you.
wearing my old cheerleader outfit to the bar was a great way to get free drinks. i should do this more often
i was sitting in the back of a squad car completely stoned watching airplanes take off
We decided to try to steal hot dogs but it ended up with me punching him in the face and crying. Pretty solid night
there may have been a blood oath never to speak of it again...only reason i can think of as to why there was a 1 inch bloody cut on my right boob
You knocked on your freshman year room door, told the kids who opened it "I own you", and attempted to force-feed them everclear.
Yeah she let me pull the goalie and wear my USA flag like a cape since it was the first day of the world cup
I think I pulled a muscle in my tongue.
sorry? thank you? I love you?
When I type "sleep" my phone suggests "with Trevor". My phones an asshole.
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