just heard a swedish guy suck in helium and speak in his accent. top 5 favorite moments. ever.
Dude, at this rate we're going to get arrested a second time tonight.
Having a pigeon watch you poop is just creepy. Drunk or not.
the only reason you beat me in fntsy this week is bc you wouldnt bail me outa jail in time to set my roster you dick
lesson learned: don't narrate out loud about how a girl is giving you head while she's doing it
i'm satisfied with the level of pretty that his new girlfriend isn't.
yeah he couldn't walk in a straight line and started throwing up and told the cop he just has an astigmatism
I should have to wear a sign around the rest of the day so everyone knows the shame I feel.
First if all, whoever designed penis shaped ice cubes is clearly daring me to shove them up my vagina
Women are fucking wierd. I have forgotten this. Divorce papers should come with a handbook.
ps I'm eating candy off our sex sheets. gotta say the only thing better than sweet tarts is sweet tarts with a hint of sex. perfect post vday situation
Reading old FB posts. Why did I ever stop drinking?
There is a direct correlation between gooch size and male fertility. Science.
I'm standing on the corner in a banana costume and cape with frozen bananas in my utility belt reassessing my life decisions.
whoa whoa whoa, you're saying I shouldn't post pics of you balls deep in a southern hottie?
Randomize
