I used a bag of wine as a pillow last night.
so as we were driving to pick up my grandma from old navy she procedes to yell into our open window.. "I'll make ya holla fo a dolla" umm...
best googles of the semester: toe fucking, purpose of two nostrils, human tail. with pictures
im laying here in the parking lot drinking a warm coke, prob still drunk, feeling like i need to apologize to everyone i know
I feel like I'm sitting in a sleigh of puddy. It's not a bathtub though because you need a sleigh to go down a mountain.
She was kinda cute. So long as you don't mind neck tattoos and bad life choices.
Can you please reassure him im not a scary or intimidating person? And that really my entire life is a series of completely ridiculous events that have led me here?
took over 12 bombs tonight and we still aren't hooking up. Wait how am I functioning
I just literally had a dance party in my closet. I've never been this blazed.
well that's what you get for sleeping with a guy called 'the defiler'
I am still awake. And let me sing you the song of my people. Ahem. "I have a bottle of hydrocodone and you all can fuck off."
would it be okay if I showed up at your house naked? and is your door unlocked?
Auto correct isn't even working for how drunk you are
I told him. He hasn't said anything. Crying and holding cats is probably what is happening.
I don't wanna SLEEP with him, I want to start bar fights with him. There's a difference.
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