I definitely ripped a mole off of her back in the process
all we need is a shotglass and a helicopter.
Also you know what's worse than drunk texting? Drunk leaving soup on your hot neighbor's porch.
We legit stopped the the game so that Jamie and I could throw up in the bushes, and then continue to play intramurals... this is what my life is coming to1
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I really need to create fewer "the time I was on drugs" stories for my future memoir, "my first year in San Francisco".
good luck with that
Nah, this is the University of Tennessee. She'll get the clap, and get busted for having pot in her dorm by spring break. This time next year she'll be part-timing at a community college as a nursing major. So predictable it hurts.
All three shower stalls were filled with couples fucking and then someone yelled "switch" and... We switched
I be dancing. See you soon. You can drink tequila from my pants.
Aaaaand now he just flexed his muscles at me and said "I'm a fucking eagle!"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He licked my mouth. I felt like I was making out with my dog.
Just used an eyelash curler to open my beer since I didn't have a bottle opener. Things are starting to look up.
You were taking in your sleep. You were like Jess that's that animal we were talking about and you Hugged her feet
I met a gypsy today. She told me my soul animal was an owl and says she will now remember me as "Owl Girl".
Firstly: alligator costume is happening anyway. But I'll see what I can do about the balls.
Holy fuck, my entire boob is bruised! Lierally my boob is just one big bruise.
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