I guess there's a 50 percent chance that it was her that wet my bed.
It was just pointed out to me in a meeting that there is a lipstick stain on my crotch.
please come you make the beer taste better
Just got a orange juice for my grandma, put gin in it without thinking. She's having a good morning.
you're kinda like the weird girl from The Breakfast Club after the makeover. i mean you're pretty, but you're still weird as fuck
They're like penises that have been put in a blender.
what do i owe you?
$237.46 to be exact.
if im having that much fun on the weekend i better start remembering it.
Just doin' what I do best: sitting in a stall in the class building's bathroom, pondering life and exploring deep, dark corners of the internet before class.
Yeah. Rock bottom was him passing out and saying "are you putting a condom on me?" and me covering his mouth and saying shhhhh
The last thing I remember about last night was guzzling white zinfandel out of the box and eating cheese. And I was thinking OH YOU FANCY HUHHH
he's had a change of heart. and besides, we could use a laugh.
oh, well, if you all need a good laugh, by all means endanger my life.
I'm really sorry I hooked up with your student on the dance floor..
He does have a nice smile. I also like to think he has a nice penis, but that's just a prediction.
You're only young once, and once you get old, you either regret all the sex you had, or you regret not having enough.
He texted me at 4:30 in the morning saying "I'm not drunk but I think you're beautiful" and then a facebook message at 6 am saying "hi" and the subject was "oh"
Randomize
