Watching NYC prep. Doing a shot everytime one of these d-bags flips his hair. I give it 10 minutes before alcohol poisoning set in.
i think i just put your shirt on , but i don't remember . my body can't decide if it wants to move in slow motion or fast forward
In all honesty of all my sexual conquests, his dick is probably my proudest moment.
Maybe it's cuz you slapped him with a pancake last night
I'll hold a taco with my boobs for you
I swear to god if he wasnt on the fourth floor balcony and I wasn't to drunk to climb I would kill him
i hope youre ready for a shit show because we just ordered a whole pitcher of red headed sluts
My masturbation fantasy just had a wedding theme. I need new hobbies.
Jesus these cramps...it's like every potential fetus I swallowed last night is personally punching me in the uterus
Turns out the guy I peed on gave me a ride back to my dorm this morning.
You are a god.
I was so high the sounds of a cricket drove me out of my home at 4am.... Boo that fucking cricket
he's the only real guy friend I've had who I've never made out with
sometimes you just have to listen to beyonce and cry. that's how life works
The air I exhale reeks of whiskey and bad decisions
You ever fart so hard it made you cum a little? A "friend of mine" wanted to know.
Randomize
