yo dude i was totally schwabbin last night.
what does that even mean?
you ever see those charles schwabb commercials, where the people are like half cartoon half real.... well yeah i saw that in real life.
wicked high...have munchies. cherry flavor lube. problem solved.
Whats the name of the guy with his hand down my pants?
As I was driving her home she congratulated each and every deer we saw for making it through the first day of dear season.
Just figured out I can wedge my iphone between my boobs so it stands up at a perfect handsfree reading angle. Clearly somebody up there wants me to smoke this bowl while I watch my bieber videos
My autobiography is now tentatively titled "I'm Fucking the DJ, and Other Ways to Party for Cheap"
Champagne is a vitamin, right?
This tent reeks of fear and sangria
nothin like your phone freezing up and sending out old booty calls at 11am on a sunday. fml.
What's the place called?
I searched "county" on google, but....there's a lot of results
I started a USA chant at the bar last night for no reason, other than being plastered. Within 15 seconds, I was standing on a table and the whole bar was chanting but nobody knew why.
She's going to jail in a few weeks but she just got a boyfriend. Yet I'm still single as fuck.
I put the area codes from ludacris' "area codes" into our expensive data visualization software at work, it's been a productive day
Speaking of which.. there's underwear in my backseat and Arby's cheese sauce on my door handle. So much for my new Volvo bringing out my classy side.
One lesson I've learned so far from college: You've always got time for one more shot. Always
Randomize
