So drunk i had to piss sitting down...
I just woke up with a bunch of French fries in my hand and a chocolate shake balancing on my pillow. Lovely.
either i blacked out mid-sex but remember the beginning and end, or he really only lasted a couple of minutes
Remember that pineapple I soaked in vodka last month? Just found it- nothing is growing on it? Think it's safe?
Woke up Christmas Eve morning with my face smelling like ballsack.. No regrets.
I'm sports announcer narrating myself making a sandwich. Your weed wins.
Dude imagine how many pictures of dicks Obama gets. That can't be unusual. Almost every kids in the US has written the president a letter.
You. Dating a sex offender cop. Life writes itself sometimes.
Is this a drinking picnic?
Is there another kind?
Not saying puking on the side of a cab was how I imagined freshman year of med school but...
I may not be his cup of tea, but I bet I'm his 10th shot of tequila
Sex in the moonbounce later?
This is why I love you.
By the power invested in me i promise you hot wedding sex at my wedding.
I think I need to see a chiropractor after giving that blow job
My dad just invited me to smoke a blunt with him. Parent-child bonding at its finest (and highest).
Randomize