Are you trying to threaten my boobs?
well you can't waste a boner
Don't fret. That vag would have consumed a lesser man.
They said "my eyes made me look intoxicated" ......we harassed them all night and we called the cops and told them that the bouncer that kicked us out was selling meth in the club ...and then we went to wendys
apparently i'm really good at getting wasted, having sex all night, getting multiple hickeys and oversleeping father's day brunch. this is the third year its happened.
Quick question... Can I call you daddy? Or would that just really made the whole 8 year age gap a bigger deal...?
Do you remember anything yesterday that led to needing a cup of couscous in my closet?
I just woke up to three voicemails from you. In the first one you just straight laughed for 3 minutes. In the second you did bird calls. In the third you were hysterically crying. Have fun last night?
Omg 230 lb butch lesbian with a mustache grabbed my dick. I need an adult
Shouldn't have fucked on the top bunk, I bounced so high my hair got caught in the ceiling fan and almost broke my neck.
I can't bring an entire liter in the bar in my purse. I mean I can. I might. I'm probably gonna.
I Have a huge scrape on my knee and I need a better excuse than dry humping on a park bench...
That's what jaeger bombs out of teacups will do to you.
There is a high pitched squealing noise coming from somewhere in my house. I hope it's a gas leak cause I'm over this week man.
You start to question your party girl tendencies when you're wearing the same shirt you wore the night before to work and you're trying to get last nights Jell-O shot off the sleeve on your way to work
Randomize
