Call me Kermit cause I'm about to go piggin
So the "just a friend" kid confessed his love for me...sometimes I hate how awesome I am.
He was waring a speedo fashioned out of american flag bandanas and when he got hard he said "you're such a patriot...raising the american flag like that"
He tried to make eye contact, he should know by now that freaks me out
Either you made a spaghetti vodka smoothie last night, or you puked in the blender.
Like do you hear me I PUKED IN MY OWN HANDS AND HE STILL SAID I WAS GORGEOUS
I just gagged from thinking about the amount of tequila we will be drinking. DRUNK TUESDAYS
Just ate a chocolate chip cookie upside down. This is what having a degree does for you.
I found an inside smoking lounge. I'll be here for the next 4 hours. A nice old Canadian lady has befriended me and let me use her lighter. Fuck Hartsfield-Jackson AND this layover. I win.
Do not take the D yet, he needs to be worth it. Your Vagina is GOLD.
I know he's only a bandaid for my emotional disrepair, but he can stick me anytime!!
That jawline could fucking have its way with me.
I'm storing dick pics, so basically if I'm still single after residency...ur gonna get bombarded. It's gonna be a blizzard of dicks.
Feel free to keep your blizzard of dicks to yourself.
So I sniffed too hard this morning before work and I THINK THE COCAINE JUST STARTED ROUND 2.
I just found my phone after looking for it since yesterday afternoon it was in the fridge.
Randomize
