but i am gonna have to have sex w/ him again to get my earrings back
he doesn't have near as many excuses as you..and his are usually pretty legit. like "i'm having a baby." that's pretty legit.
My entire life is one complicated drinking game
I just took a bite of a bagel at school and it tasted like weed. If I am high for my test in 2 hours I'm gonna kick someones ass
Just got cockblocked by coyotes. This would happen to me.
we started the countdown to drunken sledding this weekend.
im just laying here pukin in my mouth and swallowing it 'cause im WAY too lazy to actually get up and find a place to vomit. this is my life now.
If a vagina could give out awards, you should be preparing an acceptance speech.
We had to take the hinges off the bathroom door. Needless to say, you are no longer welcome at that bar
I just sang Hey Jude with a homeless man and then we drank beer together. Then I watched asians take pictures under a xmas tree for an hour and fell asleep in an MGM Grand bathroom stall. #AloneinVegas
idk man, I was fucked up and eating fried rice at the grocery store, tried to wave at her but she just looked concerned at me.
I wish I had a clear image of the dude who was sucking on my tit outside the bar last night
Dude. I need you to practice dancing around in your banana hamock. Party boy style. I'll call later with details.
I fucked him on shrooms. His dick looked like a missile and he had snakes coming out of his ears. It. Was. AWESOME!
I realize that my conversation topics seem to only be about bees and my cross dressing fiance. Thank you for being my friend.
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