The second he texted me with "*dry humps you!*" I knew any relationship we might have had was over.
I envy the lives of milf's kids, the little kid grabs her tits and she just laughs and says not now
I just inadvertently flirted with my coworker's 20-year old son. I've known him since he was 14, yet suddenly he looked different.
You are nothing if not reliable.
They don't exactly give out small business loans to start-up dealers
JUST SAW MY DRUG DEALER SOBER AND GOING TO CLASS. This is weird, its almost like he's an actual student whio leaves his room...
Just called the bar: "hi this is the girl who you kicked out for excessive bleeding, do you happen to have my coat?"
We tried. It's impossible to cum while bouncing on a trampoline. It's like trying to sneeze while keeping your eyes open.
So the bartender from Applebees totally looks like he would take his clothes off for $40
I like how you possess the gift that turns normal guys into strippers
You didn't act like you were blacked out yesterday...
I didn't know
I'm gonna take off my shirt and spin it around my head like petey Pablo so u can find us
So the bartender tried kicking me out but i screamed im an RA you cant kick me out
I asked this couple what they would like to drink and they leaned toward me eagerly and asked if we still have THE root beer ... Idk if this is code for please add cocaine to my drink
I just don't remember. It's like I went to bed on July 3rd.. and woke up on the 5th. Nothing.
So after I fell off 4 times we concluded I'm not allowed to ride him anymore.
Block me from your phone tonight…I need to get laid tonight. But you've been being a douchebag. So not by you. But I might call you. So block me.
WHY WOULD I COCK BLOCK MYSELF???
Randomize
