just got carried INTO the bar by 4 people. it's like watching my weekend in reverse.
The guy who took my order at mcdonalds asked for my number. I think we should start fucking fast food employees, they're easy and think we're goddesses.
whatever happens this semester dont let me be that girl yacking in the urinal. again.
Every time you come over you bleed on everything. I'm not calling Verizon again asking if blood is considered water damage.
he is like the poster child for std's. god i hope he meets a girl with teeth in her vag. that would serve him right
I broke stuart's oven and showed up to the party with a squirrel.
I actually cannot wait for your visit. I miss people who make me look like the virgin mary in comparison.
Well my dad thinks I wake up at 3 or 4 am every day. Really it is just all the booty calls, but I'm glad he thinks I am so motivated
I'm just over here all sober hanging with two high people talking about how they're "free-spirited stallions."
I'm smoking in a kimono on the couch. Bring me gin.
Can I come by? I want you to meet my squirrel
I don't know if the puke on my pants is mine or not
I'm trying to behave my vagina this week so I can at least pretend I'm honoring the sanctity of marriage
Point in my hangover when I'm honestly not sure if I'm about to puke, or shit my pants.
I want to shoot him sideways (so he can still breathe) in the Adam's apple with my little crossbow.
Randomize
