just found out my sister was breast fed and i was not...pretty upset about that.
oh hey just found a glowstick in my tits. fuck yes new years eve
talked to my RA about stamps and mailmen again. when do you think she'll realize that i only talk to her when i'm high?
sweetheart all i remember is you throwing up and saying "i thought things would be better now that barack obama is president"
Found a bar with a washer and dryer and they serve food. I never have to leave
why weren't you at the audition last night?
booty call before role call
Bitch, I been tryna reach you all day to talk to you about these Dorito tacos.
Thank god I didn't get free from the hospital restraints. I wouldent have lasted long drunk, startled and in an ass-less gown In D.C.
If I wasn't stoned and knee deep in cheese and crackers I'd help.
If they were bad they leave that night, if they were good they get a gold star, and if they were great they get invited back. Simple.
I drank a girls breast milk at this wedding. Shit was next level
You can't give me tequila around boys who have girlfriends. That ain't new.
i feel like ive seen the light, but not in the nasty christian way. thats gross. say no to jesus, kids
Hey remind me the get the pancakes out of my jacket
Oh! I forgot to tell you. Part of that weird ass dream last night. I was jamie lee curtis and I cut off all my hair because yogurt.
Randomize
