Ben affleck wants to be a US senator. Just thought you would puke with me
like if they didnt have tits and vagina, they have no idea how uninteresting to us they would be
I have a pussy blister if you wanna poke at it with a needle tomorrow...by this text i realize just how strange our relationship is, especially because you're probably excited
I think you mean your blister is filled with pus...atleast i hope
I just saw a girl walking up the hill with a little red wagon full of booze... I want to be in her study group.
Half my make-up was stuck to his thigh where I'd fallen asleep after the blowjob.
Have invented new cocktail. Any flavor of crystal light and vodka. I call it "I am going to die alone"
Apparently I told his new girlfriend to stop swallowing because she's getting fat. Oh, and I yelled this across a large room
I'm looking at some sugar baby profiles to get some insight on what we're up against.
It's not socially acceptable to be drunk in adult world. That fact makes me die a little inside.
I have a cracked rib, no way in hell I'm bottoming for him tonight!
I fill condoms, not promises.
Mate, you pissed in my bed. Then told me to "Just keep swimming"
Jesus, I think this onesie was designed to keep me from masturbating.
I thought I was really making her scream. Turns out she had a Lego jammed in her lower back.
hey, i didnt think i could be this stupid either but you dont see ME getting all judgemental about it
Randomize
