Get dressed up for her? please, I could shit my pants and she would still blow me
How do i write this on his wall without making it sound like he gave me an std?
the $20 limit for secret santa doesn't apply to me cause you know a half gram of coke is more than $20
He pulled a potato out of his bag in the library. A WHOLE FRIGGIN POTATO. He ate it like it was an apple and waved at the librarian as she stared at him.
My nipple piercings are like the guardrails, that's why they feel so safe.
I am on top of a rooftop peeing on your freedom
It would have been nice to break the dry spell with nice, civilized, sober sex somewhere other than on my friend's couch.
Snaps to my Ella Fitzgerald station for such a jazzy walk of shame
I'm hungover during 4th grade graduation practice. I AM THEIR FUTURE.
This band has the most fuckable violin player I have ever seen.
I'm tired, but I'm gonna go with "I watched the debate last night and part of my soul died"
Just because I also want a blowjob doesn't mean I don't want to just see you too.
Dude, the T Swift concert might not be so bad after all. Can you say milfs living vicariously through their teenage daughters? Score.
Remeber when we went camping and fucked those two guys? Yeah me either but I'm covered in poison oak so I'm guessing it's from that.
Sorry I missed your birthday party. I caught a dick and rode it to O-Town
Randomize
