god I hate her. why can't she just fuck and leave like a normal slut.
This concert is like a reunion of all my bad sex.
How are you going to be there by 9am?
Relax I always go to these conferences hung over
You say that like it's a positive quality
Managed to convince my mom that I had been home for 3 hours sleeping on the couch downstairs and this t-shirt was your dads. I am SUCH a fucking boss.
When the officer tried to stop you, you just shouted your name in his face. repeatedly.
WHY IS EVERY MAN IN THIS CITY GAY? IS IT SO BAD TO WANT TO BE TREATED LIKE A PIECE OF SHIT BY A REALLY HOT STRAIGHT MAN FOR A NIGHT?
He said he wanted to have butt sex with me and curl up with me after and just be near me. Then he passed out.
Dude are you alive? We drank shit that made a german bartender blow chunks.
The problem with Wednesday evening drinking is that no gets to my level. It's like like a one man party. But it's a goood party.
Really? I thought your parents stopped loving you when you drunkenly fell through the ceiling...
God I miss you. I want to fuck your face... Then do all the girly cuddly shit too.
He also ordered me a vibrator last week, so the flowers kind of balance it out
lesbians are really intense tho, she made me take her eye makeup off and told me she was going to eat me for breakfast
I never thought I would encounter a situation that was "Too Gay" for me...and yet there I was.
I learned three things this morning. Don't get out of my car without my keys, don't let a girl paint my nail unless I'm getting laid by said girl, and lastly I learned how to break into my own car.
Randomize
