i just found a plastic monkey in my sweatshirt pocket
Umm I had a plastic mermaid in my pants......
Really
You win
when did we get to this "texting at random" level on friendship?
I'm so turned on right now it's fucking stupid. I hate burger king commercials
No, I was feeling sad because all of the other girls were like model-skinny. But then I remembered that I had big boobs and went to hit on their boyfriends.
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Not too sure about the toy story pull ups. The kids point to their crotch all day and say woody.
He started making shapes and faces with his cock and balls.... apparently if you wrap the shaft with your balls and turn it 90 degrees to the left it looks like a hamburger
it's official, i've been high in 26 different states, and three different countries.
I feel like my teeth are sweating.
Yea i think drunk-me kept all my bar receipts, just to throw it in sober-me's face.
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It's one of those "I can't stand you but we're stuck in the same hotel room tonight so let's fuck until one of us passes out" kind of nights.
On the way home she told me she was in kindergarten when 9/11 happened
Haha I'M GOING TO MISS HIS PENIS SO MUCH. But not his bipolarness.
3.5 bazillion penises. So not that hard to find a new good one
You shouted "my financial aid just came in, who wants a shot?!" Half the bar followed
I just wanna go home jackoff, eat chicken fingers, drink beer, play halo and go to bed. I'm sick of this shitty school, the shitty kids and having to fucking teach them.
I need to bang the neighbor boy. He’s given three women screaming orgasms this week alone.
Also, my apartment walls are too thin
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