How was the bike ride?
Nope. High in the basement. Fruit cups.
Probably shouldn't have worn my jeans covered in blood from last night to class.
His kisses tasted like beef jerky and captain morgan. I'm pretty sure I came before he even took my clothes off.
All I need is the Internet and a place to drink.
The only thing I'm asking santa for is my period.
And vodka?
And vodka.
I need to find parents that want to take care of a grown adult. I'm sure there's a website out there for that. Like a sugar daddy but sugar parents.
I grinded with the guy who brought the scooter, I'm leaving with success
my ass is still wet. this is highly unpleasant. give me 5 to get changed and I'm all yours. or you can yell things to me while I shower and burn clothes
You mistakenly try to piss in a cactus bush ONE TIME and are forever dubbed cactus ass
Is 28 too old to get fingered in Centennial Park? Asking for a friend.
It may be a clusterfuck, but I'll be looking classy as shit as I watch the nightmare unfold
Am I required to send a Christmas card to my fuck buddy?
You're a mystery wrapped in an enigma wrapped in a redhead
My last Google search was 'can an impotent man have sex'. I don't even want to know what I did with that guy.
I once left mine in my bra and I forgot and I didn't notice it was there until it vibrated.
Randomize
