why is it that everytime a half black man enters something boring, it suddenly becomes sexy to people? golf? the presidency?
you were so drunk you slurred your pauses
I saw an Asian dude carrying a patchwork denim purse get into a car with two rednecks at the grocery store tonight. Imagine what I could have seen if I had actually done something interesting.
What's the protocol for seeing the two girls you've been sleeping with in the store WHILE buying condoms?
3some
You're right, stupid question.
Were playing bathroom attendees at the party and making people wash their hands
i made a dollar
I just had to give myself a pep talk to stop lying on my floor. Literally too hung over to function
Playing basket ball at the park with random people that showed up at 1am. the division of teams is based on what drugs people are on
You tried to put a condom on my dog, then he ate it.
We fucked in his mom's shower and all I could think about was being too old to be sneak banging while someone's mom was out of town and how much mildew was on the shower curtain. Fuck you, Adulthood.
And don't worry, my exact words were "I can't believe a baby came outta that thing"
I can only use one eye at a time. And if I want to listen, I have to close both of them.
Just remembered I railed lines while holding a puppy
Both of us came out of our rooms at the same time in boxers and sat on the couch. No words were spoken.
For a second I thought I had fallen asleep on the floor and freaked out. Then I thought somehow I was on drugs. This is my life.
Ehh, the third backed out. Two still isn't bad. Who gets a bootycall to pick them up from a bootycall's house anyways? Only me.
Randomize
